


Somebody Loves You (Somebody Wants to Hear You Say)

by broadwaydarren



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, CrissColfer Big Bang, CrissColfer Big Bang 2014, M/M, minor infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-27 03:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2676749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadwaydarren/pseuds/broadwaydarren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris hates high school. Or at least, he did, until his parents move the family to San Francisco, and he starts at a new school for his senior year. There, he meets Darren. Gorgeous, funny, amazing Darren who, for some reason, seems to like him back. There’s just one small issue. Darren already has a girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Loves You (Somebody Wants to Hear You Say)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 CrissColfer Big Bang. Huge thank you to anyone who I talked to about this, to Aly for cheerleading, Selah for betaing and TK for the amazing art!  
> Title from the song of the same name by Betty Who.

Chris’s parents sit him down one night in the last week of his junior year. They explain how there are great epilepsy specialists in San Francisco, how they could really use more money, how his dad’s been offered a job and he can’t really turn it down, not when it means higher pay and closer, better treatment for Hannah. They tell him that they’ll be moving during the summer, that he’ll have to say goodbye to his friends here and start fresh at a new school for his senior year. 

They think he’ll be sad, and really, they have no reason not to. Ever since the home schooling debacle when he blurted how bad things were in middle school, he’s kept the horrors of his school life to himself. Every now and then he’ll go out, go sit in a coffee shop in Fresno and just write, lose himself in a fictional world, all while telling his parents he’s out with friends. They never question it, or ask him why he never has friends over, since having guests, especially of the teenage variety, can be disruptive to Hannah’s routine, and they have no reason to disbelieve him. 

Really, though, he couldn’t be happier. Not only are they moving away, not only is he going to get away from his tormentors, but they’re moving to liberal San Francisco. He’s sure teenage jocks will be the same wherever he goes, but in San Francisco there might be other gay kids, kids he has things in common with, kids he can actually make friends with. He might actually _enjoy_ his senior year. He supposes he should be sad. He should be sad to leave the house he’s grown up in, his hometown, the people who’ve known him practically since he was a fetus. But in truth, Clovis has never really felt like home. He’s always felt so different, so… other. He never really felt as if he had a place here, as if he belonged, and his goal was always to get out, to never come back, not if he could help it, excepting Thanksgiving and Christmas. So he just nods, says cool, asks his parents if they know whether there’ll be a community theater near where they’re living. 

The only people he thinks he’ll miss are his teachers, and the lunch ladies. He tells them about the move over the next few days, and the response he gets from them is largely the same. They’re happy for him, happy he’s getting out, happy he can have a good – or at least, better – senior year. He tells them he’s happy, too, and that’s that. He leaves Clovis East High on the last day of semester with his head held high, a weight lifted from his shoulders, content in the knowledge that he never has to set foot in the place again. 

***

Most of the summer is spent packing. Packing away books, movies, clothes, shoes… Besides packing, Chris has to go through and decide what stuff he wants to throw out. He has a vast collection of action figures – Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, every superhero ever, as well as some from Harry Potter and Doctor Who – along with some stuffed animals, too His mom tells him he needs to get rid of a lot of it, several dozen books he knows he won’t read anymore, and a bunch of old clothes that are now too small. 

He says goodbye to most of his action figures, to the toys that got him through most of his childhood, through long nights in the hospital, through late nights with his parents arguing loud enough for him to hear, through early, early mornings when he’d start awake from a nightmare and be too scared to sleep again. He keeps his Harry Potter action figures though, and the set of Ninja Turtles that are in the best quality, that haven’t been chewed on by one of the dogs or been played with a little too vigorously by Hannah. 

Then, before he knows it their house is empty, and he’s getting into the car with his mom and Hannah and following their dad in a u-haul up the highway to San Francisco. The drive, thankfully, only takes three and a half hours, and before long they’re driving into San Francisco. Hannah – and Chris, a little – is disappointed that they don’t get to drive across the golden gate bridge (it’s one of the few things Chris had been able to tell her about San Francisco) but their mom reassures her that they’ll go see it as soon as they’re done unpacking.

The new house is nice, nicer than, if he admits it, Chris was expecting. It’s bigger than their old house, with a room for their parents, for him and for Hannah, and a guest room. He shares a bathroom with Hannah, and their parents and the guest room have their own bathrooms. The yard is a little smaller than the one in Clovis, but that’s to be expected, living in a big city. Chris’ room has a little cushioned window seat, has built-in shelves and a walk-in closet. He sits on the window seat while the room is still completely bare, looking out of the window at San Francisco, surprised to find that he already feels at home here. Perhaps he’s finally found a place where he can belong. 

***

He spends the rest of the summer alone, or with Hannah. None of their neighbors have kids their age, and the community theater is in the middle of doing a summer production, all the roles already filled, so they tell Chris to come back in September. He doesn’t mind, though. It gives him a chance to explore San Francisco, to find little spots to call his own. He rides the trolleys, sits in cafes by the bay and lies on his back in the middle of parks, all the whilst trying to ignore the swarms of tourists. He already loves San Francisco. He loves that every time he goes out, he sees at least one pair of guys holding hands. He loves how at home he already feels here, even though it’s a big city, so much bigger than Clovis. He finds that he likes the city. He likes the hustle and the bustle and how busy everyone seems to be. He likes to keep busy, too. Likes to pretend he has important places to go and people to see, even though really, they’re imaginary appointments, used to make the days more interesting.

Before he knows it, though the end of August arrives, and his return to school is imminent. He’ll be attending St. Ignatius College Prep, a private catholic school that his mother has apparently worked hard to get him into. He’s told that it’s a great school, with a good theater department, but he’s still a little apprehensive about going. A catholic school? Even in San Francisco, he’s not sure how accepting the students and teachers will end up being. He’s a little dismayed to find that the school has mandatory uniforms, but they aren’t that bad, and he supposes that it’s one less thing he can be picked on for. As the first day approaches, he tries to build up his confidence. All he has to do is make one friend on his first day. One friend will certainly be more than he had at Clovis East High. 

*** 

Chris’ first class of the year turns out to be English, and he’s both surprised and relieved that there’s an assigned seating plan. As they walk in, the teacher, Miss O’Brien, tells them that the person next to them will be their partner for all group assignments for the entire year. 

Chris suppresses a groan as he finds his seat (it’s in the second row, right next to the window) and prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that his partner isn’t some straight dudebro who’ll take advantage of Chris’ overachieving nature or worse, some bottle blonde who’s stepped straight off the set of _Mean Girls_ and can’t spell even the simplest of words, let alone form a complex sentence or correctly use an apostrophe. The room fills quickly, but the seat immediately to Chris’ right remains empty until the final warning bell rings, at which point a short, curly haired boy sidles into the room. He’s the last to arrive. 

“Mr. Criss.” Miss O’Brien greets, “You’ll be sitting… In the only seat left available, next to our new student, Mr. Colfer.” The guy’s eyes scan the room to find the empty seat. He smiles, weaving his way through the rows – and being greeted several times as he goes – until he flops down on the seat next to Chris  
.  
“Hey, man, I’m Darren.” He beams. Up close, Chris realizes that he’s kind of ridiculously attractive. He looks like the kind of kid who’s never had an awkward stage, never had pimples or braces or glasses or baby fat – that Chris is still waging his own battle with – and he has these gorgeous honey colored eyes that are framed by stupidly long eyelashes and have tiny flecks of green in them. His hair is shiny and looks like it would be incredibly soft to the touch, and his lips are lush and pink. He looks like he just walked straight out of the cartoon world from _Enchanted_. 

“Chris.” He says, belatedly. 

“Hey, we match!” Darren grins. “Chris and Criss! It’s like we were meant to be partners!” Chris gives him a humoring smile, and as he turns back to face the front, where Miss O’Brien is clearly trying to quiet down the class full of seventeen year olds who are intent on catching up with their friends, no matter how far across the room they are, Darren says, “Hey, awesome notebook! Wizneyland!” His grin widens. “Harry Potter and Disney. Man, this is kickass. You and me are gonna be like, best friends.” 

“You like Harry Potter?” Chris asks, turning back to face Darren and joining the other students in ignoring their teacher. At his old school Harry Potter had been seen as nerdy, as un-cool, but Darren – judging by how many different people said hey to him as he entered the room – seems to be pretty popular. 

“Hell yeah, man! They’re like, the best books ever written! J.K Rowling is a total genius.” Darren enthuses, and it’s at that point that Chris feels his heart flip, and then soar. He tries to ignore it, but it’s futile. He likes Darren. No, he adores Darren. Darren is everything Chris never thought he’d find in high school. Darren is… Probably straight. But Chris forces himself to push that aside. What does it matter? They can still be friends. They have to be friends. All in all, it’s a pretty awesome start to the semester. 

***

Chris and Darren walk out of English together, and Darren takes a look at his schedule. They have a couple more classes together, including gym – which gives Chris a feeling of dread that he pushes aside – but their next class isn’t one of them. Darren points him in the right direction and then claps him on the shoulder with a smile, telling Chris that he’ll see him around. 

The girl that Chris ends up sitting next to in his next class – pre-calc – is named Lea. She’s bubbly and loud and tells him immediately that she’s going to be on Broadway one day. He just nods, shrinking back a little. He’s just a tiny bit intimidated by how fierce she seems, but after her announcement she laughs and pinches his cheek, telling him that she doesn’t bite. She proceeds to spend the next 20 minutes talking about the “totally hot” football player that she’s got her eye on, wanting to ask him to homecoming. It’s not a surprise that Lea is the kind of girl who takes the initiative to ask a guy out before he asks her. Chris just nods and “mmm”’s in appropriate places as he tries to get the problems that are set in front of him done. He’s never been particularly good at math. Half way through the class, she turns to him. 

“So, what about you? I know it’s only your first day, but have you seen anyone you like yet?” She asks. 

“Um.” Is all Chris can get out. 

“That means ye-ees!” Lea singsongs. “Who is it? Is she cute? It’s not me, is it? I think we’d work better as friends.” 

“No! It’s not you!” Chris says quickly. “And I’m not even interested in girls.” He garbles the words, getting them out in one breath so that they’re barely understandable. 

“Ohhhh.” Lea says. Apparently she understood everything he said; despite how quickly he said it. Judging by the speed she usually talks at, it’s not surprising. “So, is he cute?”

“Yeah. But he’s never going to be interested in me.” Chris barely stops himself from letting out a wistful sigh. 

“Why not? He might be interested in you!” Lea insists. 

“No, I’m pretty sure he’s straight.” Chris tells her firmly. 

“Gay until proven straight! Or, at least bi until proven straight. You can’t write him off if you haven’t even talked to him. C’mon, what’s his name? I probably know him. I can set you guys up!” Lea enthuses. 

“Uh. No. No, thanks. I don’t do blind dates.” _Or dates in general._ He doesn’t say. 

“Aw. That’s boring. Anyway, are you going to tell me his name, or what?” Luckily, at that moment, their teacher, a portly older gentleman, calls out for the class to be silent and get on with their work for the last fifteen minutes. Chris spends the minutes ignoring pointed looks from Lea and purposefully not looking at the notes she’s scribbling on the edge of her paper. As he walks out, Lea grabs his arm. “Hey. Sit with us at lunch, okay? Me and my friends. I wouldn’t want you to have to sit on your own.” Chris smiles gratefully. He’d sat on his own pretty much every day at Clovis East High. 

“Yeah, I will. Thanks.” He smiles. 

His next class is government, and as he walks in, Darren waves enthusiastically at him. He’s sitting at the back, next to a guy with quite obviously dyed blonde hair and big lips. 

“Chris, this is Chord. Chord, this is Chris.” Darren introduces when Chris sits down on his other side. 

“Hi.” Chris smiles. Chord is tall and built, almost definitely a football player. As soon as the teacher has given them their assignment, he pulls Darren into a conversation about some cheerleader girl that Chris tries to tune out. That just confirms it. Darren is straight, and mostly likely spends the majority of his time talking about all the girls who he wants to ‘bang’. He can’t help but roll his eyes. Darren might be different from other straight boys, but he’s not that different. 

“What about you, Chris?” Darren asks suddenly. 

“Uh. What?” Chris says, having not been paying attention at all. 

“Chord was just telling me about the ‘girlfriends’” – Darren makes air quotes around the word – “he supposedly had when he was on vacation in Florida this summer. Did you go anywhere nice? Hook up with any hot gals? Or… guys?” Chris swallows when Darren tacks the last word on after giving Chris a once over, but there’s no malice in his voice, and Chord doesn’t even blink. Neither of them seem to care that Chris has “gay” written in sharpie across his forehead for all the world to see. 

“No, we didn’t go anywhere. My sister has special needs, so we don’t really take a lot of vacations, and we mostly spent the summer packing, and moving, and then settling into our new house, anyway.” Chris says, rather relieved that he didn’t go on vacation so he doesn’t have any stories to regale them with. He’s never ‘hooked up’ with anyone, let alone someone he barely knows. 

“Lame.” Chord says, and Chris just nods. “So, you’re gay, right?” He says out of nowhere. 

“Uh. Yeah.” Chris’s mouth goes dry. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no! I was just, uh. Does this look natural to you?” He asks, gesturing to his hair. 

“…No.” Chris says truthfully. Darren laughs loudly. 

“Dude, everyone saw you last year with brown hair. What were you going to tell them, thesun bleached all your hair peroxide blonde?” He grins. Chord scowls. 

“I dunno. But girls like blonde guys, right? Like Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans and stuff. Right, Chris?” He looks over at Chris and Chris gives him an affronted look.

“I’m gay, not a girl!” He exclaims, and Darren just laughs. 

“Ignore Chord,” He murmurs in Chris’ ear, and Chris tries not to shudder at how he can feel Darren’s breath against his skin. He is not going to get an awkward boner on the first day of school. “He’s not the brightest crayon in the box, but he means well.” Chris giggles.

“What? What’d you say? It’s rude to whisper in front of people!” Chord says, loud enough that the teacher looks over. 

“It’s also rude to yell in class, Mr. Overstreet. Mr. Criss and our new student were just being considerate and respecting their classmates who are trying to get on with the work that’s been assigned.” She says, and Chris and Darren both laugh again, while Chord pouts a little. 

The conversation then turns to discussing the new superhero movies that came out over the summer, the Captain America sequel, _The Amazing Spider-Man 2_ and _Guardians of the Galaxy_. The three of them spend the next twenty minutes discussing the pros and cons of each movie, with Chord emphasizing that it’s a damn shame Gwen Stacy had to die, even if Mary Jane is supposed to be Spider-Man’s main love interest, primarily because, as he says, “Emma Stone is one hot piece of ass”. He catches Chris making a face and then tacks on, “And Andrew Garfield is hot, right?” Chris shrugs. 

“He’s not really my type.” This comment then leads to a lengthy conversation about what, exactly, Chris’s type is, Chord and Darren apparently fascinated while Chris tries desperately not to describe anyone who fits Darren’s description too closely. The bell rings right after Chord asks, “So, what about me, am I your type?” And Chris just hurries out of the room, glad he got out of answering _that_ one. He knows that after that he would’ve been asked if he found Darren attractive and he’s a _terrible_ liar. He just knows he would have blushed and stammered and completely given himself away, and god, it’s only the first day, he wants a little more time to helplessly pine over Darren before accepting that he’s straight and moving on. 

***

The next class goes by in a haze – it’s history, and there’s another assigned seating plan, so he ends up next to a pretty, cheerleader-type girl who spends the entire period turning around in her seat to talk to her friend who’s sitting directly behind Chris. Thankfully, in this class the teacher says nothing about their neighbor being their assigned partner for group assignments. Chris does _not_ want to be stuck with her for a whole year, that’s for damn sure. He loves history, and spends the whole period completely immersed in his work. Before he knows it, the bell is ringing and it’s his lunch period. 

He finds his locker – with some difficulty – and stows away the books he no longer needs, grabbing his wallet from inside it (when you’re frequently bullied, you learn not to keep your lunch money on you at all times) and then follows the crowd to the cafeteria. He picks a plate of spaghetti bolognaise, and a chocolate chip cookie along with his trademark diet coke. He doesn’t see Darren anywhere in the cafeteria – even though Darren had said that they share a lunch period – but he does see Lea, sitting on her own, for now, at a large table toward the middle of the room. Chris heads over and joins her, smiling when he sees her homemade Italian lunch. She’d told him earlier that her father owns an Italian restaurant downtown. 

Gradually the table fills with people, and Lea introduces Chris to them all. There’s Mark, another tall football player-type, and his girlfriend, a pretty Latina girl named Naya, and then Amber, a black girl who instantly takes to Chris, cooing to Lea about how cute he is, along with several others. He spends the period telling them about Clovis, about his school there – carefully glossing over the bullying part, since he absolutely does not want their pity – and about their move, about his sister and their dogs, the big golden retriever, Jake, and their terrier, Marley.

In turn, he learns a little bit about each of them. Mark is a football player – and is on the team with Chord, just like Chris suspected – and Naya is a cheerleader. Both Lea and Amber are in the choir, and Lea is in drama club. She wants Chris to join both. He immediately agrees to join drama club, but he’s more hesitant about choir. His voice only gets higher when he starts singing. He has the vocal range of a girl. He has absolutely no idea what they’d do with him in a choir. They’d probably have no idea how to utilize his voice and would send him away after he endured the humiliation of auditioning. Lea and Amber beg, though, and he tells them, reluctantly, that he’ll think about it. 

*** 

He shares the first period after lunch with both Darren and Lea, who apparently know each other from both drama club and choir – which Lea says is all the more reason he should join, and Darren agrees. They spend the rest of the class period – chemistry – alternately trying to persuade him and doing the experiment they’ve been assigned. By the end of the class period Darren is making puppy eyes at Chris, and god, he can’t resist that. He gives in, telling them he’ll come with them to choir practice tomorrow – the choir practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays – and audition. They high five enthusiastically and Darren even does a little victory dance, earning him a warning from the teacher when he almost knocks over the test tube full of acid. 

The next two periods, geography and French go quickly. He’s with both Naya and Mark in Geography, but they’re already sitting in the back with other cheerleaders and football players, so he sits in the middle by himself and writes a short story in the back of his notebook as the teacher shows them a long, boring PowerPoint. The next class is French, which he, thankfully, shares with Amber. They sit next to each other and make fun of each other’s terrible French accents, giggling like twelve year olds when Amber suggests they look up swear words in the dictionary. 

Last period is the dreaded gym. He’s horrified to see that both Chord and Mark share the same gym class with him, as well as Darren. He pretends not to see them at first, looking around the opposite end of the locker room for a space, but then Darren calls his name and try as he might, he can’t ignore Darren, so he goes over, his heart jumping a little when he realizes Darren had saved a place for him, the locker right next to Darren’s own. He swallows hard when they start to change, changing his pants first – those are easy enough, his boxer-briefs aren’t so tight that they reveal anything – and then, as quickly as he can, strips off his t-shirt and puts on his gym shirt. He doesn’t look at Darren, Mark or Chord until he’s done lacing up his tennis shoes, straightening up with a sigh of relief. There had been no comments, or jokes, or laughs. He’d gotten through it scot-free. 

Thankfully, since it’s the first class of the year, they end up just playing dodge ball. Chris is one of the first out, but when Darren sees him sitting on the bleachers by himself, he dives dramatically in front of one of the balls so that he’s out, too. He comes over and sits next to Chris, alternately making quiet conversation with him about Harry Potter, Marvel and other things they both geek out over and singing not-so-softly. Some of the songs are ones Chris doesn’t recognize, and when he asks, Darren just shrugs and says he writes his own music sometimes. 

Oh, man. Chris is _so_ fucked. 

***

Much to Chris’ surprise, the first few weeks of school go by pretty quick. He joins drama club with Lea and Darren, and, with a lot of reluctance, sings Defying Gravity for his choir audition. He’s shocked when the choir teacher welcomes him with open arms, saying they can definitely utilize a guy with his range. Darren, Lea and Amber all give him surprisingly similar looks of satisfied smugness, but once the meeting is over and they’re walking out together, they all compliment him on his performance. Darren brags that he totally called it first, saying he can totally tell when someone’s a good singer, says it’s like being able to hear what the notes being played are in a piece of music. Chris and the girls just roll their eyes. 

He joins speech and debate, too, which none of his friends are in. That doesn’t faze him, though. He’d never had friends at Clovis East, so he’s learned to get by on his own. He has to physically hide his shock when a girl comes over and talks to him the second time the club meets, asking his name and where he’d moved from. High school in San Francisco really couldn’t be more different from high school in Clovis, and Chris _loves_ it.

For the first time in his life, he _enjoys_ school. Hell, he actually looks forward to going. He hasn’t really met up with anyone he’s become friends with outside of school, but that’s fine with him. His non-school time is mostly dedicated to Hannah, anyway. She has an even worse time making friends than he does, so he likes to make sure she’s at least enjoying her home life. When she and his parents notice the change in his demeanor and ask about it, he just tells them he’s happy here. If they realize that that means he wasn’t happy in Clovis, they choose not to comment, and Chris is happy for it to stay that way. Finally, he can put the past behind him and actually enjoy the last year of what are supposed to be the best four years of your life. 

***

It’s in the third week of the semester that their English teacher first gives them a paired assignment. They’re assigned a paper and PowerPoint presentation, on a topic of their choosing from the book they’ve been studying in class. It’s due in a week. As they’re leaving the classroom Darren turns to Chris and tells him that, if he’s free, he can come over to Darren’s after school so they can work on the project. Chris is a little dumbstruck. Every other time he’d had to do a paired assignment, his partner had either coerced Chris into doing all the work by himself, or insisted they meet in the school library to do it. No one had wanted to be seen going home with the school fairy, after all. 

He constantly has to remind himself that this isn’t Clovis. Has to remember the way Lea and Amber talk incessantly to him about boys, have tried to set him up on several dates already, since they learned that he’d never really been on one before. He’s not in Clovis anymore. He has friends. After looking at Darren, dumbstruck, for a moment, he nods, and Darren grins and says they can skip out on choir practice today and just go straight back to his place. His family will all be out, so he says it’ll be easier for them to get work done. When he says it, however, there’s a glint of _something_ in his eye that Chris can’t quite place. 

Darren waits around for him after gym, and they walk out together, animatedly discussing the latest episode of a Nickelodeon cartoon show that they’re both obsessed with – _The Legend of Korra_. Darren drives them back to his place in his car, a beat-up, cheap-looking thing that Darren says was his brother’s before it was his. His parents don’t trust him with an expensive car just yet, and Chris can see why. Darren is a little bit of a reckless driver, and driving with him is a heart-stopping experience. But Darren spends the whole time singing along to the radio, windows down, curly hair blowing in the wind, and even though he’s nervous as hell, Chris still finds that he’s having a great time. Darren could make absolutely anything fun. 

When they arrive at Darren’s large house, they find it empty, just as Darren said it would be. Darren offers to get Chris a drink, and while he’s getting them both diet cokes, Chris looks at the photos that cover the walls and litter every surface. Darren and his brother as babies, Darren and his brother during every single season, Darren and his brother at Disney… Darren playing in what looks like a violin recital, Darren on stage in a community theater play of some sort. When Darren comes back and sees him looking at all the pictures, he rubs his neck in an embarrassed sort of way, telling Chris that his mom is super into documenting absolutely everything. Chris says he knows the feeling. They have a ton of pictures in their house, too, but he’s struggling to find even one picture where Darren looks bad. He seems to be one of those magical beings that never have an awkward stage. It’s infuriating as much as it is attractive. 

They head up to Darren’s room, and Chris sits awkwardly on Darren’s bed while Darren shuts the door and sets their drinks down on his – incredibly messy, paper-covered – desk. Then, several things happen all at once.

First, Darren comes over and sits next to Chris on the bed. He sits close to Chris. Like, close enough that their thighs brush together. And then, Darren’s hand comes up and cups Chris’ cheek. Before Chris can even begin to compute what’s going on, Darren’s lips are pressing against his own, and holy shit, he’s having his first kiss with the first guy he’s had a crush on that was actually aware of his existence. He enjoys the kiss for a long moment, his arms hanging limp at his sides as he enjoys the swooping-butterflies feeling in his belly and moves his lips experimentally against Darren’s. However, the moment soon ends, and he pulls back, his senses coming back to him.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks, voice embarrassingly high pitched. 

“Uh. Kissing you? Are you not into it? I thought you were. I mean, did I get the totally wrong read on you? I thought you liked me! I mean, you kept blushing every time I said nice shit to you, and I kept catching you staring, and catching you purposefully not staring whenever we were in the locker room for gym…” Darren rambles. Chris just stares at him, dumbstruck. 

“No, I… I do like you.” He says quickly. “But… I thought you were… I mean, aren’t you…” 

“Straight? Nah. I don’t really have a label. I like guys and girls. People of all genders.” Darren grins like it’s the simplest thing in the world, and perhaps it is.

“And… You like me?” At Darren’s fervent nod, Chris continues, “But… I thought I was coming over to work on the project?”

“Dude, if you thought I was inviting you over to work on the project a whole week before it’s due, you’re not as smart as I thought you were.” Darren teases. 

“No… No one’s ever liked me like that before. No one’s ever… That. That was my first kiss.” Chris explains, hating the way he can’t help but stammer over the words. 

“Oh. Shit. I totally would have made it more romantic if I’d known it was your first kiss. But like, fuck, man. No one’s ever liked you before? How the fuck did you get to be a high school senior and never have anyone like you before? Weren’t you out at your old school?” Darren asks incredulously. Chris laughs humorlessly. 

“No. I was. But not by choice. Everyone just seemed to know by looking at me, and when I couldn’t deny it, that confirmed it to them. It wasn’t a small town, really, but the people had a small town mentality. Homosexuality was a choice to them. I was committing a sin. I was going to burn in hell. I, um. I was bullied pretty badly. So bad that my parents home schooled me for seventh and eighth grade.” He says softly. 

“Fuck.” Darren swore under his breath. “How come you never said anything?” 

“I didn’t – don’t – want your pity. I’m here now. I love going to school here. I just want to forget that that shit ever happened.” Chris says with a shrug. Darren wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“Well, I’m sure as fuck gonna make sure you have a kickass senior year at St. Ignatius. You deserve one.” He says with conviction. “And… You deserve a proper first kiss. Do-over?” He requests, and Chris blushes before nodding. “I really like you.” Darren starts, “I think you’re smart, and funny, and I love how sarcastic you are. And when I look at you, especially when you’re blushing, I can’t stop thinking about doing this…” And then he leans in, pressing his lips to Chris’ in a more chaste, romantic kiss than the first one, one of his arms still wrapped around Chris’ shoulders, the other coming up to cup his jaw once again. It’s absolutely perfect. The cheesy, fairytale kiss Chris never thought he’d have. 

“I like you too, just for the record.” Chris murmurs against Darren’s lips when he pulls back. “You’re funny, and sweet, and intelligent…” 

“And gorgeous. Don’t forget gorgeous.” Darren adds, grinning. 

“And modest, too.” Chris laughs, pressing his lips to Darren’s in a moment of boldness. 

“Modest is my middle name.” Darren retorts, kissing Chris again, short and sweet. 

“No, it’s really not.” Chris counters, giggling still. 

“Nah, it’s not. It’s Everett.” Darren tells him, starting to kiss his cheeks and along his jaw. 

“Mine’s Paul. Christopher Paul Colfer and Darren Everett Criss. Aren’t we a proper pair?” Chris grins, feeling more than a little giddy. He’s kissing a gorgeous guy, alone in said guy’s bedroom. This feels like one of his masturbatory fantasies. He’s half expecting to wake up at any moment. But no, this is far too vivid to be a dream, or a fantasy. Darren is warm and hard against him and his lips are soft and a little wet with saliva. Chris can feel Darren’s saliva on his skin, where cool air brushes over the heated patches left behind by Darren’s ever-wandering mouth, which has now moved on to Chris’ neck.

“Don’t leave any marks.” Chris warns. “My, uh. My parents don’t know. And this isn’t the way I’m gonna tell them. They know I’m with a guy, too. And I never lie. So they’d be in for a shock.” 

Darren, to his credit, doesn’t even blink. He just hums against Chris’ skin and moves up to kiss his lips again, grabbing one of Chris’ hands and moving it up to his hair, maneuvering Chris’ hand until he’s tugging gently on the soft, curly locks. Chris gets the hint, curling his hand in Darren’s hair and pulling gently, wrapping his other arm tight around Darren’s neck as he guides them down until they’re laying on the bed, Darren above Chris, kissing until they’re breathless. Yeah, this definitely feels like one of Chris’ far-fetched fantasies. 

***

He goes home feeling blissfully giddy. His mother asks if the study session went well and he just hums, practically skipping off to the family room to watch cartoons with Hannah. Only, he barely watches them. He spends most of the time texting Darren – whose number he now has. Darren is procrastinating on homework by texting Chris. Chris feels a little privileged. He’s Darren’s go-to procrastination person. It makes him feel even more giddy. If Darren’s response times are often longer than Chris’, Chris just puts it down to the fact that Darren has other friends to be texting. Sure, Chris has Amber and Lea, but they only text sporadically. Not regularly, like this. Not a whole conversation. 

That night, he lays in bed thinking about the feeling of Darren’s lips on his own. He thinks about it in vivid detail, imagines what Darren’s lips would feel like on other parts of his body, jerks himself to an overwhelmingly good orgasm that has him wishing he could scream Darren’s name.

He wakes up feeling incredibly rested, and practically waltzes around the house as he gets ready. He showers, coifs his hair up in a way he’d always considered to be far “too flamboyant” to do before, wears his tightest pair of skinny jeans and a nice blue button up over a Captain America tee. He gets to class and feels a thrill go through him at the secretive grin he’s able to share with Darren when his teacher reminds them about the projects – now due in six days – and at the way Darren keeps shooting him conspiratorial smirks through every class they have together.  
God, for a little while, he was so blissfully happy. Of course, it’s his life, and the happiness can’t possibly last. 

***

Instead of going to the cafeteria at lunch like he usually does, he decides he’ll go and find Darren. He never sees Darren at lunch for some unknown reason, so he figures he’ll give Darren a nice surprise when he sees him. Maybe if they’re lucky they can slip into the boy’s bathrooms or a janitor’s closet and have a fervent make out session. He searches through most of the school, but when he finally finds Darren, it’s not the triumphant moment he was hoping for. 

Darren is pressed up against a bank of lockers – well. Not quite. He’s pressed up against a cheerleader who’s pressed up against a bank of lockers. She’s pretty, brown hair up in a ponytail, wearing her uniform. Darren is cupping her cheek – the exact same way he had cupped Chris’ not 24 hours before – as they kiss, and his other hand has slipped between the open pleats of her uniform skirt to do god knows what. 

Chris doesn’t stay long enough for them to see him. He turns on his heel and runs toward the nearest bathroom, locking himself in a cubicle and crying for the next half hour. How could he have been so stupid? Of course he wasn’t special. He wasn’t this special guy who caught Darren’s eye. He was probably just Darren’s “English class guy”. Pretty brunette cheerleader was probably his “History class girl” or something. He meant absolutely nothing to Darren. Nothing but a meaningless hook-up. 

Just before the bell rings to signify the end of the period, he leaves his stall, fixing his appearance so that he doesn’t look like he’s just been crying. 

In Chemistry, he spends the entire period steadfastly ignoring Darren, instead keeping Lea so engaged in a conversation about their last choir assignment that she doesn’t notice that he’s completely cutting Darren out of the circle. He keeps ignoring Darren for the rest of the afternoon, pretending not to notice the increasingly confused, and then hurt looks Darren keeps giving him, especially when he purposefully chooses a locker on the other side of the locker room to where he, Darren, Chord and Mark usually change.

Of course, he can’t ignore Darren forever. When he comes out of the locker room, Darren is there waiting. 

“Hey, man, what did I do?” He asks, falling into step with Chris despite the increasingly fast pace of Chris’s steps. Chris ignores the kicked puppy look Darren gets on his face when Chris laughs humorlessly. 

“What did you do? What did you do? Let me think about that for a second.” He snaps. “Uh, you led me on. You took my first kiss. You made me think I was special. And then when I came to find you at lunch, you were kissing some girl. How many people do you have on the go, Darren? How many poor kids are you playing? I’m your English guy, and cheerleader chick is, what, your History girl? Who is it for Government? Hm? Is Lea your Chemistry girl?” When he finishes his tirade, he has to look away to avoid how incredibly upset Darren looks. 

“Chris… It’s not like that. I’m not… I’m not some player who’s leading on half the school. That… That girl you saw me with is my girlfriend. She’s a junior, and we share the same lunch period this year so she makes me spend it with her every day since it’s the only opportunity we get to see each other at school.” He explains in a soft voice. 

“Oh, and that makes me feel so much better. You thought you’d just cheat on your girlfriend with me, poor little innocent Chris who’s never had a relationship before won’t notice that you’re already with someone else.” Chris replies through gritted teeth. “Poor little Chris won’t even notice that this is just some game to you.” 

“Chris…” Darren sounds really defeated this time. “It’s not… I really do like you. A lot. A lot more than I like Courtney – the cheerleader – actually. She… I’m dating her because she’s a cheerleader. She’s popular, and… pretty hot, I guess. But that’s the only reason. Because all my friends wanted to date her, and I was the one she was interested in. We have nothing in common. We don’t have a connection like you and I do.” 

“A connection? A connection?” Chris scoffs. “Whatever ‘connection’” – He makes air quotes around the word – “we might have had, you ruined by neglecting to tell me that itty bitty detail – that you have a girlfriend. We’re done. I’ll do the project by myself and just put both our names on it. It’s what I always used to do at my old school, anyway.”

“No. Please, let me at least help you with it…” Darren begs. 

“Fine. You can meet me on Friday, after school in the library to do it.” Chris decides. 

“What? You won’t even come to my house again? Or let me come to yours?” Darren looks at him with real hurt shining in his horrendously pretty hazel eyes. 

“Hah. And let you get me alone again? Fat chance of that ever happening.” Chris replies, and with that, he stalks away. 

***

For the rest of the week, Chris continues to ignore Darren, to the point where, by Friday, even the not-so-bright Chord has figured it out. He keeps looking between Chris and Darren with an intensely confused look on his face all through their Government class, until Chris glares at him and mouths, ‘what?’, at which point Chord looks pointedly at his notebook. Darren notices the exchange and gives Chris a sad look, which Chris resolutely ignores. 

He goes to the library right after gym, ignoring the fact that Darren is right behind him the whole way, and finds a table, immediately getting to work and cutting Darren off every time he tries to bring up what had happened between them. When he’s writing the final paragraph of their essay, Darren – who has apparently already finished the final slide of their PowerPoint presentation – takes the opportunity to speak up. 

“Chris, please. Please don’t be mad at me. I… I knew it was shitty, kissing you while I had a girlfriend, but… I just like you. So, so much. You’re so awesome, and smart, and funny, and beautiful, and I don’t wanna lose you because of some stupid mistake. Please will you talk to me again?” He begs. Chris finishes the paragraph, hitting the period key on his laptop a little harder than necessary, before turning to Darren. 

“No. I’m not going to fall for you any more than I already have. The best way to get over an idiotic straight boy who has a girlfriend is to keep as far away from him as possible.” He says, short and sharp. 

“Wh… Chris, I’m not… I’m not an idiotic straight boy. I told you. I like girls and guys.” Darren starts, but before he can say anything else, Chris has gotten up. He walks straight out of the library, not looking back even once. He has to make a clean break with Darren, just like he had with all the other guys he’d stupidly crushed on. Unfortunately, that wasn’t so easy when the guy was actually interested in him, too. By the time he makes it to the parking lot, Darren has caught up to him. 

“Before you try and defend yourself, try and tell me you’re different, you’re not.” Chris snaps without even looking at him. “You might not be straight, but you’re sure as shit an idiot, and you definitely have a girlfriend. I don’t want anything more to do with you. We’re presenting on Monday. After that, I’ll speak to you for group projects, but nothing else.” If Darren says anything else, Chris doesn’t hear it. He is already half way to his car. If he’d looked back at the steps, he would see Darren hunched over, shaking with sobs, but he didn’t. He refuses to look back. 

***

That weekend, he goes out with Amber and Lea to the movies, and then for pizza. When Lea asks him if he’s made any progress with the guy he’d had a crush on in the first week, he laughs bitterly. 

“Oh, god, no. That ship has sailed. He’s an asshole. And he has a girlfriend.” Lea and Amber both make sympathetic noises, and then instantly start trying to find him a date. Despite the fact that homecoming is still a few weeks away, they make it seem like it’s next week, make it seem like everything is urgent, that he needs to find a date _now_ , before it’s too late. When Chris tells them that he’s not even sure he’s going to go to homecoming, that he never went to any of the dances at his old school, not even his junior prom, they’re absolutely appalled, and insist that he come to both homecoming and senior prom, and any other dance that falls in between. They insist that he can’t leave high school without ever having been to a dance. 

Unfortunately for Chris, when he gets back to school on Monday and Lea sees that he’s still ignoring Darren, she puts two and two together and corners him at lunch. 

“Why are you mad at Darren?” She asks. “There wouldn’t be any correlation between you being mad at Darren, and you telling me the guy you had a crush on is an asshole, would there?”

“What?” Chris pretends to be confused. “No! I’m just mad at Darren because he made me do all the work on our paired assignment that we had to turn in today.” (The assignment had gone well, the presentation going smoothly with only one awkward moment when Darren tried to high-five Chris at the end and had gotten thoroughly rejected when Chris went straight back to his seat.)

“You’re lying, Christopher Colfer. If you don’t tell me, I’m just going to have to ask Darren in chemistry.” She says, tone threatening. 

“Fine. He kissed me. And then the next day I found out he has a girlfriend.” Chris tells her with a scowl. 

“Wait… He kissed you? He cheated on Courtney? But they’ve been together for almost a year! Ever since he asked her to homecoming last year!” Lea exclaims.

“Yes. He kissed me. And let me emphasize that it was _him_ who kissed _me_. I’m not a home wrecker. I didn’t even know he had a freaking girlfriend.” Chris snaps, irritable. 

“Holy crap.” Lea murmurs. “Shit. I thought he liked you, but… Shit. He must _really_ like you.” 

“Well, I don’t give a crap whether he does or not, because he’s ruined his chances of us ever being even friends after the shit he pulled last week.” Chris declares, marching away from Lea and getting in line for the pasta bar. When he reaches the table, he is surprised to see Darren sitting at the other end of it, head bowed, not eating the sandwich he has in front of him, clearly homemade. Chris ignores him resolutely, but he doesn’t bother trying to block out Lea’s loud voice when she comes over and starts talking to him.

“Darren? What are you doing here? Not spending time with Courtney today?” She asks, shooting Chris a look, which he pointedly ignores.

“Nah. We, uh. We broke up. I mean, I broke up with her. Over the weekend.” Chris does look over when Darren says that. He broke up with her? Holy shit. Darren had done a pretty good job of hiding it ‘til now. “I just saw her. She was crying and shit. Made me feel like crap.” Darren sounds genuinely torn up about it, and if Chris wasn’t still fuming with him, he’d feel sorry for him.  
“You and I are going to have a serious talk when I am done with my food, Mr. Criss.” Lea says firmly, shooting Chris another, more pointed look, which Darren notices. He swallows when he sees Chris at the table, and realizes he must have heard the whole conversation. 

“Yeah, okay Lea. Uh. Hey, Chris.” He says, giving Chris a little smile. 

“Hi.” Chris says in a monotone before turning to Amber and engrossing her in a mindless conversation about the hot French TA that she’s had a crush on since the beginning of the semester. He continues ignoring Darren, letting out a soft sigh of relief when Lea practically frog marches him away after ten minutes.

“Alright boy, you have got to tell me what is going on between you and Darren. I thought you guys were like, besties?” Amber says as soon as they’re out of earshot. 

“It’s… It’s a long story, Amb. And it’s not really one I wanna share right now. I’d rather just talk about something else.” Chris replies with a sigh. 

“Uhoh. That’s not good.” Amber purses her lips. “I’ll get the story from you eventually, boo. But for now, I’ll let you be.” Chris smiles gratefully.

After Gym class, Chris finds Darren waiting for him outside the locker room. 

“What do you want?” He snaps. He’d ignored Darren throughout Chemistry and Gym class, despite Lea’s determined attempts to get them to talk. 

“I… I broke up with her.” Darren says. “Why are you still mad at me?” Chris rolls his eyes, beginning to walk down the corridor, Darren following like a lost puppy. 

“Whoopee, you broke up with her. That doesn’t change the fact that you were with her when you kissed me.” Chris tells him, the tone of his voice making it clear that he thought that much was obvious. 

“Chris, I… I’m sorry. I can’t change the past. But I… I gave up a year long relationship for you. Doesn’t that mean anything?” Darren sounds like he’s almost begging now. Begging for Chris to give him _something, anything_. 

“You told me yourself that you had nothing in common with her. You weren’t happy with her, and if you thought you were, you were kidding yourself. You were bound to break up eventually. It appears I just helped to bring about the inevitable.” Chris says coldly. “How I feel about what you did hasn’t changed. You ruined your chances of us ever being anything when you lied to me. When you took what I thought was a magical, special moment and turned it into a pile of lies.” 

“Chris… I told you, it wasn’t lies. I do care about you. A lot. Can’t you see that?” Darren looks on the edge of tears by this point. 

“You haven’t done much to show me that you like me. Kissing me while you had a girlfriend doesn’t count. It just makes me feel used. Like I was your little experiment.” Chris knows he’s being harsh. Darren had seemed pretty genuine when he’d told Chris how much he liked him on that day at his house. 

“It wasn’t like that and you know it!” Darren’s voice is bordering on angry now. “Stop being so difficult!” 

“I’m done talking to you about this. I’m done talking to you, period.” Chris announces. “Leave me alone.” He shoots over his shoulder as he marches away. He thinks he sees a tear roll down Darren’s cheek, but he forces himself not to feel bad about it. Darren brought this on himself, after all. 

***

The next day, Lea approaches Chris as he’s standing by his locker, gathering the books he needs for the day before classes start up. 

“What does Darren need to do for you to forgive him?” She asks without preamble. 

“Are you asking for yourself, or for him?” Chris replies, looking at her and raising an eyebrow incredulously. Lea looks conflicted for a second.

“For him.” She admits sheepishly. “But come on, Chris. You have to admit you’re being unreasonable. What’ll it take for you to give him a second chance?”

“He has to treat me like the guy treats the girl in a rom-com. I’m talking flowers, chocolates, public serenades, expensive gifts… He really has to win me over. Y’know. Woo me.” Chris says, partly sarcastic. The other part of him wishes someone would actually care about him enough to do those things for him. That someone would try that hard to win his heart. 

“Really?” Lea looks surprised. Chris fixes her with a deadpan look. 

“Yes. I love being treated like a stereotypical helpless rom-com woman. I love to feel weak and feeble and like I can be won over by a bunch of flowers.” He says in a monotone. “No! Of course not.” He rolls his eyes. 

“So what does he have to do?” Lea asks. The ringing of the bell, signaling that they have five minutes to get to their first class saves him. 

As he’s walking away, Chris calls back, 

“Maybe he should get to work on building a time machine!”

***

It’s not ‘til the next day that Chris realizes Lea must have shared their entire conversation with Darren, and that Darren seems to have taken what Chris said at least partially seriously.  
It starts out with a can of diet coke – still perfectly cool and with a little condensation on it – in his locker when he opens it before school. He raises his eyebrows, picking it up and reading the little words on the side. It reads, “Share a coke with your… Soulmate”. He rolls his eyes, looking around, but neither Darren nor Lea is anywhere to be found. 

Next, notes start showing up on his seat and on his desk in each of his classes when he arrives to them. Even the ones that he doesn’t share with either Darren or Lea. That is incredibly curious, but he figures that between the two of them, they have enough connections to get the notes to each of Chris’ classes. They’re all written in the same messy, barely legible teenage-boy script, and at first they say generic things like, “your eyes are indescribably beautiful” and “your lips look so soft and kissable”. Usually as the day goes on, they get a little more specific. Things like “I love how you’re not afraid of showing your inner nerd” and “those jeans make your butt look awesome”. Chris always has to suppress an eye roll when he reads them, but still, he puts each one in his backpack, and by the time the week comes to an end, he has a little stack of notes in his locker, next to the Hershey’s kisses and toffees that have started showing up at random points of the day. 

***

The following Monday, Chris arrives to his locker and opens it to find a bouquet of gorgeous flowers, along with a card that simply reads, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I just want you to know that.” He has to admit, it makes his heart flutter a little, and he smiles, smelling the flowers and holding the card to his chest for a second before putting them down. Whoever had delivered the flowers had put the ends of the stems in a plastic bag filled with water and taped it shut, so that they would survive the day. Creative indeed. 

Just as Chris is about to close his locker, Lea comes waltzing up looking far too innocent for her own good. 

“Someone’s got a secret admirer.” She says with a grin. Chris takes a deep, long-suffering breath and resists the urge to roll his eyes so hard that they pop out of his skull. 

“I hardly think it’s a secret who’s been leaving me these things.” He replies.

“Oh?” Lea pretends to be shocked. “Really? Who do you think it is, then?” 

“I _know_ that it’s Darren. I wasn’t being serious when I said I wanted to be wooed.” Chris tells her.

“Oh, but I think you were. Maybe you don’t want to feel like the girl in a rom-com, but you want someone to make a little effort. You want to feel wanted.” Lea declares, and Chris is surprised at how right she is. Maybe she knows him better than he thinks. “So, is it working?”

“Is what working?” Chris is confused for a moment. 

“The wooing. Are you being wooed effectively?” 

“Uh.” Chris hesitates, and a little blush colors his cheeks. “Yeah. I guess.” Lea tries to tamp down her triumphant grin, but Chris watches her as she walks away, and she doesn’t make it to the end of the hallway before she does a little victory dance. He rolls his eyes. At least someone is happy about all this. He, on the other hand, is still unsure of what to think, of what to feel. Part of him feels special, wanted, loves the gifts and the compliments, loves feeling like someone wants to be with him so bad that they’ll go through all this effort for him. The other part is still deeply hurt by what Darren did to him. 

There’s a little voice in the back of his brain that, whenever he begins to think of Darren in a positive light again, reminds him of how he had felt when he’d seen Darren kissing Courtney, reminds him that Darren had cheated on her, his girlfriend of almost a year, so what was stopping him from cheating on Chris, if they did start dating? The cynical part of him thought Darren would probably give up soon. Chris is still ignoring Darren in all the classes they share pretending not to feel Darren’s eyes on him when he reads the notes, only communicating with him when it is completely necessary. 

Part of him feels that, when Darren doesn’t see an immediate impact of his acts on Chris’ demeanor toward him, he’ll just give up. Move on to his next conquest. Who’s to say Darren doesn’t do this for every guy or girl he wants to date? This is probably some fun little game for Darren. See how long it’ll take before he cracks and begs Darren to be his boyfriend. Unfortunately for him, Chris isn’t that easy. 

Years of mistreatment, of bullying, have instilled a deep distrust of people in Chris, particularly his peers. He’s had people pretend to be his friend before, trick him into a sense of security, and then hurt him even more when he realized they were only doing it so they could laugh about him with their real friends. He’s sure that’s not what Darren’s doing, but there’s still that little negative part of his brain that says Darren will probably quickly grow bored of him once their relationship starts, once he realizes how inept Chris is, how many issues he has. It’s just unfathomable to Chris that anyone would truly want him. Would truly want to be with him, to commit to him, long-term. 

***

When he gets to English, Darren fixes him with a huge grin. 

“Hey, Chris.” He says, watching as Chris weaves through the tables to get to his desk. “How’s your day going so far?” He has a little mischievous sparkle in his eye, a little bit of arrogance that tells Chris that Darren thinks he’s making Chris’ day by giving him these gifts. He obviously doesn’t know Chris as well as he thinks.

“Hi.” Chris says, sitting down without looking at Darren. “Fine.” Is his only response to Darren’s question. 

“Fine? Only fine? You didn’t get a surprise when you opened your locker this morning?” Darren asks, grinning even harder now. 

“Maybe I did, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” Chris replies, dripping sarcasm. “And anyway, the whole secret admirer thing is so nineties rom-com. This isn’t _10 Things I Hate About You._ ” He watches Darren’s face fall with a little bit of morbid glee. He has no idea why he’s doing this. Actively trying to drive Darren away. Perhaps he’s sabotaging himself. Or maybe he just wants Darren to prove to him how much he really wants this, wants him. “My secret admirer better up his game. Or, y’know, stop being a coward and actually ask me out to my face.” 

***

The gifts and the notes don’t stop over the next few days, but they slow down. There’s only the occasional note on his desk when he goes to classes, and every so often he’ll find a can of coke or a candy bar in his locker when he opens it between classes. Chris is confused, to say the least, especially when he realizes that Darren has started disappearing during their lunch period again. He thought he’d made it clear to Darren that he was completely over the whole secret admirer thing. Maybe, he thinks, Darren just stocked up on diet coke and Hershey’s chocolate, and he’s just waiting for it all to be gone before stopping. That doesn’t explain the still incredibly specific notes, though. Notes that could only have been written that day. 

Chris, though he would never admit it, spends most of the weekend thinking about Darren. He really does like him. He’d been completely smitten with Darren before this whole fiasco had happened. Darren was sweet, and kind, and handsome… Everything Chris thought he’d never find in a guy. At least, not until he was well into his twenties. He seems to actually like Chris, despite his tendency to be snappish and sarcastic, and he seems to genuinely be attracted to him even though he still hasn’t quite shaken the last of his baby fat, and he still has chubby cheeks and acne. 

However, there’s still a little part of Chris that says this is far too good to be true. It had seemed too good to be true before, and it really had been. Darren had had a girlfriend. Now… Chris can’t help but think there must be a catch. He can’t figure out what it is yet, but he’s sure there is one. Good things like this don’t just happen to him. 

His mother notices that he seems more pensive and melancholy this weekend, but when she offers an ear, he just shrugs her off, saying it’s teenager stuff, nothing serious. 

“Girl trouble.” She says knowingly, and his heart stops for a second before he just nods quickly and flees the room. It’s willful ignorance and he knows it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Why can’t his mother just accept him for who he is? He doesn’t think that she – or his dad – would throw him out for being gay, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy about it. They prefer to sweep it under the rug, pretend he’s ‘normal’. Heterosexual. 

He spends the rest of the weekend moping in his room, avoiding his mother. Things in life don’t come this easily to him. They just don’t. His parents are a shining example of that. 

***

When he gets to school on Monday morning, the place is buzzing. Homecoming is not this Friday, but next Friday, and everyone is talking about who’s going with who, who’s going to be Homecoming King and Queen, who’s going to be asked in the most amazing or romantic way. Chris has told Lea and Amber that he’ll go with them – has promised he’ll go shopping with them for outfits this weekend – but he’s starting to get hesitant. Dances _really_ aren’t his thing. 

When he reaches his locker, he finds no gift, instead just an envelope with his name on it. He furrows his brows, opening it up to find a note inside, which reads only, “Meet me in practice room 404 at lunch – D”. He puts the note in his pocket, and heads to English, glad to find Darren already there.

“What’s this?” He asks, brandishing the note in Darren’s face. 

“It’s the last attempt. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop trying.” Darren says. 

“This isn’t going to be an over-the-top homecoming invite with far too many people there so I feel peer pressured into saying yes, is it?” Chris asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Nah, nah. Just me and you. I promise.” Darren says, and for whatever reason, Chris believes him. 

As lunch draws near, he starts to feel nervous. What is this final attempt going to be? What’s Darren going to do next? His mind races with possibilities, and he can barely concentrate on his work all morning. He fidgets all through History – earning him several glares from the cheerleader he sits next to – and then, when the bell finally rings, he practically sprints out of the classroom, weaving through the corridors to try and find practice room 404. He finds it eventually, opening the door and stepping inside. 

It’s not a candle-filled darkened room with rose petals spread all over the floor. It’s just a regular practice room, filled with instruments. Darren has cleared a space on the floor though, and laid out a red and white gingham picnic blanket, which has on it several cans of diet coke, and some home made food that Chris knows Darren’s mother must have made  
.  
“Hey.” Darren says softly when Chris comes in. He’s sitting on the floor; a guitar that Chris presumes is his own in his lap. “Sit down. Please.” He gestures to the floor in front of him, and so Chris takes off his backpack and sits, instantly taking a can of coke and opening it up. 

“Are you going to tell me what I’m here for now?” He asks, looking at Darren slightly warily. 

“I… I guess you figured that it was me writing you those notes, and leaving you those gifts. And… And I want you to know that I meant every word I wrote. And I paid for all those gifts I gave you. I wanted… I wanted to make you feel special. Because you are special, Chris, no matter how fucking clichéd it sounds. And I really… I _really_ like you, Chris. I don’t wanna let some stupid mistake ruin my chances with you. I’m really, really sorry for what I did, and I really would do anything to make it up to you. I wish I’d never hurt you. I just got carried away. I liked you so much, and I wanted to kiss you so bad that I just did, I didn’t think about the effects of my actions. I fucked up. And I’m so sorry for that. For ruining your first kiss.” Darren sounds incredibly sincere, looking into Chris’ eyes the whole time and speaking the words in a soft voice. 

“I… I was pretty hurt. And… I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to realize that I’m really not worth all this,” Chris starts, but before he can say anything else, Darren cuts him off. 

“You are worth it, Chris. Don’t belittle yourself like that. I don’t care what people have told you in the past. Those people were bastards, Chris. You’re worth the world. I’d go to the moon and back for you.” He insists. “And, um. To prove how much I like you… I wrote you a song. So, um. I’m gonna play it for you now, if that’s cool.” He looks to Chris for affirmation, and Chris nods. He can hardly believe Darren wrote a song for him. About him. “Uh. It’s called, ‘Don’t You’.” 

He starts strumming the guitar, an adorable look of concentration on his face. When he starts singing, Chris is blown away by how beautiful his voice is. The song is romantic, but a little melancholy, too. It tells their story without being too obvious. Darren is actually a pretty amazing songwriter, to Chris’ surprise. Darren’s voice is low as he sings, almost pleadingly,  
“Don’t you want the way I feel, don’t you want the way I feel, don’t you want the way that I feel for you?” Darren brings the song to a close, and then looks up at Chris, the almost pleading element that had been in the song now in his eyes. 

“That was… Wow. I can’t believe… You really wrote that for me?” Chris asks. 

“Yeah.” Darren replies, voice soft. “It’s still a bit rusty. I haven’t polished out all the chords yet. I mean, I wrote it in a couple days, so…” He adds modestly.

“Wait, you wrote this in a week? You… That’s what you were doing all those lunches last week?” Chris’ jaw drops. 

“Yeah. I was in here, writing this.” Darren confirms. 

“Wow. Darren… I…” Chris fumbles, lost for words. 

“Do you forgive me? Will you give me, us, a chance?” Darren says, perking up. 

“I… Yes. Yes. I’ll give this a chance.” Chris says, and the look on Darren’s face, the way he grins, eyes lighting up, is almost worth all the pain he’s been through over the last few weeks.  
“And you’ll go to homecoming with me? Lea told me you’ve never been to a dance before, and that she convinced you to go to homecoming and prom this year. You have to go with me.” Darren’s voice is back to its usual level of excitement and enthusiasm now. Chris hesitates. 

“Okay.” He says eventually. “Okay, I’ll go with you.” Darren whoops, putting the guitar aside hastily and throwing his arms around Chris’ shoulders in a tight hug.

“I’m gonna do this right. Promise.” He says, pulling back and looking into Chris’ eyes. “And that means no first kiss ‘til I drop you off at your door after the dance.” He teases, mischief in his eyes.

“We’ve already had our first kiss, idiot.” Chris rolls his eyes. 

“Those kisses don’t count. We’re having a proper do-over.” Darren declares. 

“Stop being dumb, Darren, just kiss me now.” Chris says. 

“Oh, you wanna kiss me that bad, huh?” Darren smirks. 

“Asshole!” Chris shoves him playfully. “Do you want me to go with you or not?”

“Well… I guess one kiss wouldn’t hurt.” Darren concedes. He leans in, brushing his lips against Chris’ in the softest of touches. Well, soft until Chris surges forward, deepening the kiss and twining one hand in Darren’s hair, kissing him with more force and passion. “Wow.” Darren breathes. “For someone who’s never kissed anyone before, you’re a really good kisser.” Chris just blushes and kisses him again. 

They spend the rest of lunch trading kisses and eating the food Darren brought – home made by his mom, some of it her own traditional Filipino recipes. Chris has to suppress a groan when the bell rings, telling them it’s time to go to Chemistry. 

“Hey, at least we have this class together.” Darren says, lacing their fingers together once he’s cleaned everything up and Chris has shouldered his backpack. Chris nods in agreement, and they walk out together. It’s only when they reach their Chemistry classroom that Chris realizes no one so much as looked at them funny for holding hands. Maybe the other shoe won’t drop after all. Maybe Chris really will get to have an amazing senior year. Things are looking up, that much is for sure. 

***

After that day, things start looking up. Chris and Darren become practically attached at the hip. Darren insists on holding Chris’ hand in the hallways and walking him to every class – even if it means Darren is late for his own classes. He also likes to engage in a lot of PDA. He’ll kiss Chris in the hallway, in the cafeteria, in the parking lot… Even, once, in the locker room before gym, while Chris had his shirt off. Chris had set a boundary after that. No kissing in the locker room. Everywhere else, he’s trying to become comfortable with.

He knows he’s not in Clovis anymore, but he still can’t shake the feeling that someone is going to yell a slur, that they’re going to get shoved around, beat up, that someone will throw food at them in the cafeteria. So far, the worst they’ve gotten is a few glares from the cheerleaders – Courtney’s friends – who, despite not knowing the real reason Darren broke up with her (he’d said when he’d ended the relationship that he felt like they had nothing in common and that there was no real spark there) have still decided that Chris is some sort of diabolical home wrecker, and have taken it upon themselves to glare at him whenever they see him in the hallways. Darren is mildly concerned about this for a while, but Chris quickly tells him that it’s nothing. He is more than capable of dealing with a few bitchy cheerleaders. 

Amber and Lea are overjoyed for him. Lea – who also has a new boyfriend now (the hot footballer she’d managed to score a date to homecoming with) is constantly asking him about him and Darren about how things are going, partly, Chris thinks, because he always blushes and goes all starry-eyed when someone asks him about Darren. He’s catapulted straight back into the smitten, puppy love stage, staring into space daydreaming about him, and doodling his name in the margins of his notebooks. 

Homecoming is, to Chris’ extreme surprise, actually incredibly enjoyable. He gets to dress up with Lea, Amber and Darren – and even manages to avoid awkwardness with his mom by saying that they’re going as a group and getting the group to agree to meet at Darren’s house – and go for dinner before dancing all night. He’s surprised to find that he isn’t self conscious at all, not when he’s with his friends, not when they’re all doing stupid dance moves and hamming it up, actively trying to make each other laugh. He’s even more surprised to find that he and Darren aren’t the only gay couple there. There are actually quite a few gay and lesbian couples scattered around. It just makes Chris even happier that they’d moved here, that he gets to have his senior year in such an amazing, accepting place. 

Darren, true to his word, buys them matching boutonnieres and slow dances with him, ending the night by dropping him off at his door and giving him a sweet, chaste goodbye kiss.  
He meets Darren’s family officially the day after homecoming, when Darren’s mother invites him over for dinner. Darren’s mother is amazing, a short, beautiful woman with a softly accented voice who has so much energy that it’s easy to tell where Darren gets it from. His father is quieter, and reminds Chris a little of his own father, sensible and proper, a businessman, but he still jokes around with them, and neither of Darren’s parents seem at all phased by the fact that Darren was dating a girl not even two months ago, and is now dating a boy. 

When Chris asks, Darren just shrugs and says he’s always been open about his sexuality with his parents, has always told them that he’s attracted to both guys and girls. He even gets to meet Darren’s brother, Chuck, who’s home for the weekend from college. He’s quiet, but witty, and quick to call Darren out whenever he goes too far, or is too loud, or too inappropriate. He balances Darren out perfectly, much in the same way that Chris thinks he does. After Chuck retreats to his room, Darren tells him that Chuck – and the rest of his family – totally loves him. 

But, then, of course, comes the issue of Chris’ family. At first, Darren had been totally fine with keeping it quiet, with not telling Chris’ family for a while, letting Chris build up to it at his own pace, but when their one month-a-versary (As Darren calls it, presenting Chris with flowers and chocolates one day in mid-October) comes and goes without Chris mentioning telling his parents, he can tell that Darren is starting to get a little edgy. He begins to bring it up more and more often, and Chris doesn’t think Darren is pressuring him, necessarily, or at least he’s not meaning to. It’s just that Darren lives in a world where everyone loves him, where being gay has seemingly no consequences. Chris can tell that he doesn’t like feeling like Chris is hiding him. He’s desperate to meet Chris’ parents, to prove to Chris that they’ll like him, because “C’mon, Chris, who doesn’t like me?” 

Chris gets the distinct feeling that his parents will be the two in a hundred who don’t immediately take to Darren’s charm and enthusiasm. Darren is… Different. He’s different from everyone in Clovis, all the prim, proper, god-fearing teenagers like the children of his mother’s friends back home. Darren swears in casual conversation, Darren openly questions the existence of God, (something Chris would never do in front of his parents, despite the fact that he decided a long time ago that he was an atheist) Darren is loud and over-the-top and a little flamboyant. Chris thinks his parents will have no idea what on earth to do with Darren. 

Still, after a few weeks of Darren’s begging, he relents. He _really_ likes Darren. Maybe that will be enough to make his parents like Darren, too. 

“Um, so…” Is how he starts the conversation with his mother. “I was wondering if I could maybe have a friend over for dinner after school one night?” He looks at her nervously. She frowns for a second, as if thinking, and then she says, 

“You’re really liking it at your new school, aren’t you? You never invited people over in Clovis! Of course you can have a friend over, Christopher, sweetie. Just make sure to tell me if they have any special dietary requirements.” Chris breathes an inaudible sigh of relief. 

“No, no, Darren – my friend – will eat almost anything, I’m sure.” He assures her. Her face falls just a little – Chris suspects she had been hoping his ‘friend’ was a girl – but she quickly composes herself. 

“Excellent. How about Friday? Hannah doesn’t have any appointments, and your father will be home early so he can meet your new friend, too.” She smiles triumphantly. “I’m so glad you’re settling in so well here, Christopher. Your father and I were worried about you, seeing as it’s your senior year…”

“Actually it’s been kinda great.” Chris tells her. “Everyone here is really nice.” 

“Well, isn’t that wonderful.” His mother says before turning back to the meal she is cooking. Chris knows he’s had her five minutes of attention, and if he bugs her any longer she’ll probably ask him to chop a vegetable or stir something, so he escapes to his room and texts Darren. Darren’s response comes almost immediately, and it’s mainly emojis and exclamation points. Chris laughs, shaking his head. Even when he’s feeling nervous, Darren never fails to make him laugh. He’s just not so sure how ‘wonderful’ his mother will think this is once she realizes that Chris and Darren are more than just good friends…

***

Friday comes around quicker than Chris would have liked. Darren comes bouncing up to him in the morning, greeting him with a kiss, as usual. Chris has just barely started to get used to the level of PDA Darren deems appropriate, and now suddenly he’s faced with the crippling fear that Darren might just plant one on him in the middle of dinner with his parents. Darren must notice his terrified look, because he reaches up and strokes Chris’ cheek gently. 

“I know you’re nervous about tonight, but it’ll be fine. Promise. Everyone loves me.” Darren smiles. 

“Just… My parents are… They’re not used to…” Chris starts, not quite sure how to put this. 

“They’re Christians, I know. And don’t worry, I’m not gonna go ‘round offering you blowjobs in the middle of dinner. I can be civilized, you know.” Darren smirks. Then he furrows his brows. “Wait, you did tell them I’m a guy, right?” 

“Yeah! Of course I did!” Chris says. It’s not exactly a lie. He did tell his parents Darren was a guy. He just didn’t tell them the nature of his relationship with Darren. He knows Darren is expecting him to have told his parents that they’re dating, and he did try to bring it up, but he just couldn’t do it. Every time he tried, he would end up just saying some menial fact about Darren, like the fact that he played violin, or was in choir, or had an older brother.

As the day progresses, he gets more and more nervous. 

“Excited for your dinner with Darren?” Amber asks him in French class. He pulls a face, and she tuts. “Nervous?” 

“Nervous is understating it. I keep feeling this sense of impending doom.” Chris grimaces. 

“What’s the worst that can happen? I mean, your parents already know you’re gay, right?” Chris grimaces again. “They don’t? You didn’t tell them Darren was your boyfriend? Oh my god, Cee. Why didn’t you tell them?” 

“I just… I didn’t know how. I know it’s bad, and I know Darren thinks I’ve told them, and I really did try, but I just…” Chris sighs. 

“You’re scared. And it’s okay to be scared. But boo, do you really think your parents would kick you out, just for being gay?” She asks, and Chris shrugs.

“I don’t know. I mean… They talk a lot about unconditional love, and forgiveness, and all of that, but… My mom still leads my sister away whenever she sees a gay couple in public, and she still makes a face if ever she sees two guys kissing, and… I don’t know. Maybe it’d be different when it’s me, but maybe it won’t be.” Chris nibbles on his lower lip nervously, twirling his pen in a way he only does when he’s nervous or bored. 

“If they do kick you out, or judge you, then they don’t deserve you, Cee. And you know you could go stay at Darren’s house, or mine, or Lea’s, until things calmed down if you needed to. I promise you, Chris, we’re here for you. We support you, and if a bunch of kids who haven’t even known you six months can support you, your parents sure as hell should.” Amber tells him, taking his hand and squeezing. Chris smiles a little, but he’s not convinced. 

***

By the time the end of school has arrived, Chris feels just about ready to vibrate out of his skin with nerves. Luckily, his mother and Hannah won’t be home when he and Darren arrive from school. Hannah has a swimming lesson right after her school ends, and they won’t be back for an hour or so. He and Darren drive to his house in Chris’ car – Darren having gotten a ride from his mom that morning. The whole ride Darren is bouncing in his seat, singing along to the top 40 songs they’re playing on the radio. 

Chris manages to park well enough in the driveway, despite shaking hands and he leads Darren up to the door with a shaky smile. As soon as the door swings inward, they’re greeted by the dogs, who are all too keen to slobber all over Darren when he leans down to pet them. 

“They’re so cute!” He grins up at Chris. “We’ve never had pets. Dad doesn’t really like animals.” He shrugs a little, shaking the negatives off in his patented Darren-like way. “But that just means I have even more fun when I get to meet cuties like these two.” Chris shakes his head a little. Darren’s optimism is admirable. 

“So… D’you wanna see my room?” He asks shyly. 

“Do I?!? I can’t wait! It’s only fair, you’ve seen mine like a billion times, and your room can’t be any messier than mine!” Darren’s room looks like a bomb just went off in it half the time. The floor is carpeted with clothes, and there are several instruments leaning against walls and against Darren’s desk and dresser. The walls are also covered in posters for various bands, movies, TV shows, and a corkboard covered in pictures of Darren and his friends. All the things Darren loves. 

Chris’ room is somewhat neater, with only a small pile of dirty clothes that have obviously been thrown in the rough direction of his hamper. The walls and the sheets are blue – obviously – and he has a dark wood desk with his laptop on top. There aren’t any posters, or photos – aside from a little photo booth strip Darren made him buy the other week when they were at the mall together, which rests on his nightstand. Instead, the walls have several bookshelves on them, which are stuffed with books and DVDs. He also has a commemorative Harry Potter wand in its box and a stuffed Hedwig. 

“Hah. Your room is awesome.” Darren says when he sees it, instantly making himself at home on Chris’ twin bed. “So… Exactly how long do we have until your mom gets home?” He asks with a little smirk on his face. Chris recognizes that look. He closes the door, trying to forget about his nerves and just enjoy being in his bedroom, alone, with his boyfriend, at least for a little while. 

***

They’re making out on the bed when Chris hears a car pull into the driveway. Instantly, he leaps away from Darren like he was a hot potato, and rushes to the bathroom, checking his reflection. He fixes his hair and his shirt, splashing cold water on himself and willing the flush that is constantly on his cheeks when Darren is around to go down. 

“Christopher? We’re home! Come and say hello!” He hears his mother call from the bottom of the stairs. He gulps, going back into the bedroom and motioning to Darren to follow. Darren has the decency to straighten his own shirt and run his fingers through his constantly messy hair, and, to Chris’ surprise, even looks a little nervous for once. 

Chris is glad that their corridors are too thin for them to walk hand in hand, because if they weren’t, he knows Darren would have insisted on it, and his secret would have been out. Instead, they head down the stairs single file. Hannah runs to Chris for a hug upon seeing him, and he smiles. She always makes him feel a little better. 

“Hi. I’m Hannah.” She says to Darren, looking at him a little curiously. 

“I’m Darren. Chris’ told me a lot about you.” Darren smiles. 

“He has?” Hannah asks. 

“Oh, yeah. He told me all about how awesome you are.” Darren says, and then stage whispers, “Don’t tell him I said this, but you’re totally the cooler one.” Hannah giggles, and Chris knows that Darren has completely won her over. One down, two to go. They find his mother in the kitchen, already starting to prepare dinner. 

“Mom.” Chris says, and she turns, smiling when she sees Chris and Darren standing side by side. “Um. This is Darren.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Colfer.” Darren says, holding out his hand for her to shake in a very formal gesture. All of a sudden his playful demeanor is gone, and he’s the spitting image of a perfect young gentleman. Chris is reminded in that moment that Darren has done this before, has met the parents of however many girls he’s dated in the past. He’s practically a veteran at it.  
His mother takes Darren’s hand with a slightly bemused look, shaking it and saying, 

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Darren. Christopher’s father and I are so happy that he’s found such good friends at his new school.” 

“How could he not?” Darren smiles back. “Chris is totally awesome.” Chris’ mother smiles indulgently back at him. 

“Did you two have a good day at school?” She asks. 

“Yeah, it was pretty good I guess.” Chris says. “I got a B on that History assignment I was telling you about.” 

“Well done, honey.” She smiles. “Your father will be back in an hour and a half, so I’ll have dinner ready when he gets home. How about you two boys go watch a movie or something with Hannah?” Chris nods. Perfect. That way there’s absolutely no awkwardness. Darren raises his eyebrow at Chris, obviously a little thrown off by Chris consenting to his mother’s sidling them with a third wheel, but he doesn’t say anything, following Chris through to the family room. 

“Hey, Hans. You wanna watch a movie with bubba and Darren?” Chris asks. She nods enthusiastically, and immediately goes over to the closet they have full of dvds and starts searching through them. 

Darren goes over too, kneeling beside her and instantly,

"Oh! Little Mermaid! We _totally_ have to watch The Little Mermaid. It's like, the best Disney movie ever!" He exclaims, and Hannah - who seems quite smitten with Darren, actually - agrees instantly. Chris knows if he'd been the one to suggest it, there would have been at least a little argument, in which he would have inevitably given in to whatever she wanted to watch, but since it's Darren... He's not complaining, anyway. Any form of distraction is welcome to him at that moment.

They settle in to watch the movie, Hannah parking herself determinedly between Chris and Darren (something Chris is secretly glad about, though he still pouts back at Darren over Hannah's head) and they're still snuggled up together, Hannah's head on Chris' shoulder, her arm linked with Darren's, when Chris' father comes in the door. He surveys the scene, nodding when Chris and Hannah greet him, and when Darren says a nervous, "Hello, Mr. Colfer". Chris' dad isn't much of a talker. He shakes the hand Darren offers, and then Chris' mother's voice comes through the door, breaking the potentially awkward silence.

"Tim? Oh, you're home. And just in time. Dinner's ready! Boys, Hannah, dinner!" She calls.

Chris hits pause on the movie - which was coming to the end anyway - and they head through to the dining room. Chris sets the table - as usual - and then sits, practically sweating with nerves at this point, next to Darren. His mother comes through with a dish of steaming lasagne, and immediately, as if on cue, Darren says: "Oh, that smells delicious, Mrs. Colfer." Always the charmer. Chris swallows, praying that Darren won't say anything that'll give them away.

They make it through almost the whole meal without a hitch. They eat the lasagne while Chris' mother asks both Chris and Darren about their high school classes, and Hannah about her own classes which she takes at a special school for children with disabilities. 

For a while, it's easy for Chris to just sit back and let Darren and Hannah do the talking. Much to his surprise - and probably because Darren is on his absolute best behaviour, which Chris hadn't anticipated - his parents seem to like Darren. After all, he does tell them that he's a good student - Darren is one of those kids who manages to get As in almost all his classes despite seeming to do absolutely no work in them - and he plays a variety of instruments, sings, is in choir and the orchestra, and a local exclusive youth theater, unlike the smaller one that Chris is in which is full of people of all different ages. 

Chris' mother looks more impressed with every word that comes out of Darren's mouth, and by the time Hannah is taking the plates through to the kitchen and collecting dessert - a homemade cheesecake - Chris is beginning to relax. However, the peace is not to last. When dessert is served, Chris' usually silent father asks,

"So, how'd you boys get to be friends?" Darren immediately quirks an eyebrow and looks over to Chris.

"We, uh, we met in English. There were assigned partners, and Darren was mine, so, I guess we were just thrown together." Chris says quickly. Darren gives him another look. "And we had some stuff in common, so we became better friends and we started hanging out outside of class, and... Yeah." Chris shrugs. "I thought you guys might want to see that I'm making friends at my new school, so I invited Darren over. That's all." 

Chris thinks he's gotten away with it, until Darren slings an arm around his shoulders and says,

"That's not all of it. You forgot to mention the part where you thought I was totally cute. And I thought you were totally cute." _Crap. Busted._ Chris' mother looks over and frowns.

"Excuse me?" She says, "I'm not sure I understood. You thought Christopher was... Cute?" She asks.

"Well, yeah..." Darren says, clearly confused by this point. "I wouldn't be dating him if I didn't think he was cute... And I mean, I don't mean it in a girly way or anything. Chris is totally handsome, if you want me to put it like that..."

"Wait. You two boys are dating?" Chris' father looks between the two of them, and Chris wishes that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"Your parents don't know? You told me they knew!" Darren says, and suddenly there are three pairs of accusing eyes on Chris, and he feels like he's about to cry.

"Hannah, why don't you and Darren go and finish the movie. I think your father and I need to have a talk with Christopher." Chris' mother says. At that moment, Darren seems to realize the magnitude of what he's done. He looks over at Chris, wide eyed, and mouths 'sorry'. Chris just shakes his head. It's not Darren's fault at all. Once they're gone, the door closed behind them, Chris' mother turns back to Chris. "Christopher, is it true? Are you two... Dating?" Chris hesitates. He wishes he could lie. Could say that they weren't, that he doesn't even like Darren that much, that it's a phase, but it's _not_. He knows it's not, and his parents deserve to know, too.

"Yes. Mom... Dad, I... I'm gay." He almost whispers, but he knows they've heard from the looks on their faces. "I... I know you're probably mad. And... And you probably think it's a sin. But you have to know this isn't something I chose. I just... I've always been this way. I never told you why those kids used to bully me in school, why I begged you to home school me. And I never told you that when I went back for high school, the bullying started up again. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry, and I didn't want you to hate me. Everyone has always known about me, just from looking. I never had a choice to come out. But here... I'm really happy here. People don't bully me. People want to be _friends_ with me. People like Darren, and the girls I went to homecoming with. And I know I should have told you that Darren and I were dating before I asked if I could have him over, but I didn't want to ruin what I have here. This is the happiest I've ever been." He sniffs, wiping away the tears he hadn't even realized had been falling until he stopped speaking.

"Christopher... " His mother starts. "We... We know. We've always known. And maybe this is partly our fault. We didn't address it with you. We didn't talk to you about it. We tried to pretend it didn't exist, because... Yes. It was something we used to think was wrong. But sweetheart, you're our son. We have always known you were different, and we love you no matter what. I can't believe you were so scared to tell us. We're your parents. We'd be failures if you thought we didn't love you." Chris really does cry at that, and before he knows what he's doing, he's throwing himself into his mother's arms, and she's holding him like he's a little boy again.

"It's really okay? You really still love me?" He asks, looking up at her tearfully.

"We really do, Christopher." It's his father that says it this time.

"If you're happy with Darren, we're happy for you. Of course, now that we know you two are dating, there will be more rules. No sleepovers, first of all. We will make sure that there will be an adult present whenever you and Darren are in the house together, and we're going to have an open door policy. We accept you, but you're still our little boy, and nothing raunchy will be happening under our roof, understand? You'll be allowed out with Darren, wherever the two of you want to go, but your curfew is midnight. We never needed to set you one before, but now that you're dating, I think you might need one. Is that okay with you?" His mother asks.

"Mhm. I guess that's fair." Chris nods.

"Alright, sweetheart. Why don't you go talk to Darren? And tell him we'd like to have him over tomorrow, as well. We need to get to know him properly, now that he's your boyfriend." She smirks a little and Chris rolls his eyes.

"Please don't interrogate him." He pleads. His mother's smirk widens.

"I can make no promises, Christopher. It's all part of being a mother." She says, and then shoos him out of the room, gathering up the plates.

Chris sniffs again once he's out of the room, going to the bathroom and wiping his face with a washcloth before going through to the family room. Darren looks up as soon as he walks in, jumping up and going to his side.

"I'm so sorry. I just... I guess I just assumed they knew, but god, I should've realized that they didn't and I should have just shut up and god, do you hate me now? Are you gonna break up with me? Please don't say you're gonna break up with me. I really, _really_ like you, Chris. Please don't break up with me," He babbles, until Chris presses a hand over his mouth.

"I don't hate you. I should've told you that they didn't know. Or I should have told my parents before you came. But... I told them just now and... They're not mad. They said that they've always known, and they will always love me, no matter what. And then my mom set a bunch of rules, including an open-door policy and a rule that says we have to have an adult in the house if we're gonna be hanging out together." He rolls his eyes a little at that one. Darren just grins.

"That's awesome, Cee. And don't worry about those rules. I'm a pro at getting around rules." He declares confidently, and Chris shakes his head, laughing a little. "So... You're really not mad at me?"

"I'm really not." Chris says. Darren glances over at Hannah, who is thankfully completely absorbed in the movie, before saying,

"Good, 'cause I've been wanting to do this for like, hours." He leans in, pressing his lips to Chris' in what starts as a chaste kiss, but then, as is customary with Darren, turns into a deeper, more passionate one. They break apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat, Chris flushing to the roots of his hair when he sees his mother standing in the doorway.

"You two are cute together." She declares. "Did Christopher ask you to come for dinner tomorrow yet, Darren? I'd like to get to know you a little better."

"Yeah, sure!" He says, smiling brightly, and then giving Chris a not-so-subtle panicked look. Both Chris and his mother laugh.

"Don't worry, honey. You seem like a lovely boy. We just need to know a little more about our son's boyfriend." She says.

***

After that, things seem to go pretty smoothly for Chris. Chris’ mother and Darren’s mother – who met when Darren’s mom came to pick him up after that fateful dinner – hit it off pretty well, and Darren’s mom ends up introducing Chris’ mom to all her friends, which Chris’ mom loves. She’d had a big group of ladies that had been her friends back in Clovis, and Chris knows she’s felt a little detached since the move, especially since she decided not to get a new job, but to stay at home with Hannah full time instead. It turns out that it’s a good thing for all of them, and Chris’ mom is happier that he has a boyfriend than Chris could ever have imagined. 

Chris and Darren hang out at both of their houses a lot more after school. They have other English projects, which Darren does his best to distract Chris from, but they always end up getting done in the end, even if they do end up finishing them the night before they’re due.

Chris is reunited with Darren’s brother when he’s home for Thanksgiving. Chuck is a quiet guy, but funny and interesting. He and Chris form a good relationship over laughing about stupid things that Darren does and talking to each other about Darren’s bad habits. Darren pretends to be offended, but Chris can tell he’s excited that Chris is getting along so well with his brother, and Chris makes sure to tell him that if he didn’t have at least a few flaws, he’d be far too perfect, and that would make Chris feel inadequate. Darren just says Chris could never be inadequate, and Chuck makes playful puking noises when they kiss. 

They don’t spend Christmas together – Chris’ family ends up driving down to one of his other relatives since their house is the furthest away now – but they do exchange gifts, and they spend practically the whole time that they’re apart texting and calling each other. Chris gets Darren a Harry Potter fan-made t-shirt (which he loves) and a hard copy of a new CD one of his favorite bands had put out (Darren had hinted insanely that that was what he wanted, so it had been easy to find) and Darren gets Chris a pretty leather-bound notebook that he can write in, along with a gorgeous fountain pen. 

They spend a lot of the Christmas break together. They go ice skating on a little indoor rink – Darren is unfairly good at it – and spend days cuddled up in either of their rooms watching movies and trading kisses. Often, one of their moms will bring up baked goods and hot cocoa, and they’ll revel in that. 

Of course, Christmas break is quickly over, and then suddenly everyone is thrown into college fever. Admissions are due this month and next, so it’s all anyone is talking about. Lea is getting practically frantic with her applications to all the theater schools in New York. She insists that all she needs to do is get an audition. Once she’s auditioned they’d be stupid not to take her, she says, and even though he doesn’t say it aloud, (god knows he doesn’t need to inflate her ego any more) Chris sort of agrees. She has an amazing voice. And she’s a great little actress, too. 

Chris, on the other hand, could not be more apathetic. His parents want him to apply to at least a community college – they all know that he doesn’t fare well in academics, that his grades aren’t good enough to get him into a really amazing college – but they want him to have it as a back up, just in case he changes his mind on what he really wants to do. 

What he really wants to do is move to LA, and his parents have agreed not to fight him on it. That was one of the only things that Chris was disappointed about when moving away from Clovis. Clovis was only a three-and-a-half hour drive to LA for auditions, feasible on a weekend. From San Francisco it’s a six-hour drive. Twelve hours in a car is far too much for anyone to even attempt in one day. So, as a compromise, his parents had said they’d let him move to LA after graduation. At least he’d be in the state, they reasoned.

Chris was kind of glad of it. Before the move, they’d always said that he’d try the acting thing until graduation, and if he hadn’t scored anything big by then, he’d have to defer that dream for a while and work on getting a associate’s degree in something practical at a community college so he could get a “real” job to support himself in later life. Now, his parents had been forced to defer that. He’s sure that they’ll try to get him to move home from LA if he doesn’t get anything in the first year, but once Chris is there, he knows he’s not ever going to move back. 

None of the college stuff seems like an issue to Chris. He fills out an application to a community college, listing his grades and his extra-curriculars and everything, and then sends it off, no problem. The issue, it turns out, is Darren. 

***

They’re sitting in Darren’s room one day after school, both settled into silence, working on separate things, when Darren says, completely out of the blue: “You’ve never told me where you’re applying.” He looks over at Chris, head tilted in a way that reminds Chris of an adorable puppy. 

“For college?” Chris asks, looking back at where Darren is on his laptop. He must be writing college essays, and that was why it came up. 

“Yeah. I never even hear you talk about it, actually. What’s the big secret?” Darren asks. He looks almost excited, like Chris is about to reveal this grand plan to him that he’s been keeping a secret all this time.

“Uh… There isn’t one. I’m just not planning on going to college.” Chris shrugs. 

“Wait, what? You’re not going to go to college?” Darren’s thick eyebrows come together in a frown. “But college is like… it’s supposed to be the best four years of your life! Where you get to drink, and party, and meet a ton of new people! People you can end up being friends with for the rest of your life!” Chris raises an eyebrow. 

“Does any of that sound like things I’m gonna be interested in?” He inquires, incredulity in his voice. “I spend my weekends either with you, hanging out with my sister, or holed up in my room writing. I’m not a go-wild and party kind of person. You should know, since you’ve tried to convince me to come to like two dozen parties in the last couple months.” 

“I… I guess not, but, like, college is still a great experience! And how’re you gonna get a job if you don’t have a bachelor’s?” Is Darren’s next argument. 

“How many actors and actresses do you know that wasted four years of their life learning how to act in a college, in classes taught by people who’ve never been famous and never will be? If Jennifer Lawrence had gone to college, she probably never would’ve won her Oscar. If Kristen Stewart had gone to college, she’d never have been in the Twilight movies. Daniel Radcliffe never went to college.” Chris argues back. “If I want to be an actor, I’m going to need to go to LA and go on auditions. Not sit in a classroom and get told how to act by some teacher. I need to get told how to improve by casting directors. By people who actually know the business that I want to get into. You want to be an actor, too, so you shouldn’t be going to college, either.” Darren frowns at that. He doesn’t have a quick response this time. 

“But… I kinda hoped we’d end up in the same place. Or at least close.” He says in a small voice. “I don’t want us to have to break up.” That hits Chris right in the gut like a throwing knife. He hadn’t realized that by choosing not to go to college, he’d also been choosing to give Darren up. He’d always assumed – foolishly – that Darren would want to move to LA, too. He’d never imagined that Darren would want to go to college.

He swallows, and doesn’t even think before spitting out: “Well if you’re gonna be partying and drinking all the time I’m sure you won’t have any trouble finding someone to replace me.” As soon as it’s out of his mouth, he regrets it. But still, it doesn’t make it any less true. Darren could find a new girlfriend or boyfriend within seconds, especially with a whole college full of people to choose from. Chris’ natural instinct of self-preservation, hurt before you get hurt yourself, had kicked in that moment and blurted something out that he usually would have kept hidden and stewed over for months before bringing up in a far less hostile way. 

“Are you saying you think I’d cheat on you?” Darren asks in a tiny voice. 

“Well, you cheated on Courtney with me. Why wouldn’t you cheat on me with someone else?” There it goes again. Chris’ jaw wants to drop with shock at the words coming out of his own mouth. His own deepest, most private fears stated so bluntly, so harshly, in a moment of tension. 

“Chris…” Darren says softly, “I… I think you should go.” 

“I think I should, too.” Chris agrees, the venom gone from his voice. He gathers up his things quickly and leaves, driving back to his house with a wobbling lower lip, trying to hold back his tears. It’s his mother, surprised that he’s home early, saying she’d expected him to stay late at Darren’s and hadn’t prepared any dinner for him, that sends him over the edge and into a full-on meltdown. 

He starts crying immediately. He races up the stairs to his room and throws himself down on the bed, sobbing into his pillow for a good ten minutes before his sobs start to slow down into the ugly, shuddering breaths that come right after you’ve had a hard cry. His mother comes in at this point, followed by Hannah, who immediately latches herself onto him and hugs him tightly. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” His mother asks. 

“D-D-Darren and I h-had a f-fight.” He tells her in between shuddering breaths. 

“Oh, honey… What was it about?” 

“H-he -wants to go to c-college. A-and he p-practically said we’d h-have to break u-up if I’m n-not going to be anywhere n-near him next ye-year.” Chris gets out next. His mother frowns down at him where he’s still laying on his belly on the bed, stroking his hair back softly.

“Sweetheart… I know this isn’t what you’re going to want to hear, but you and Darren are in high school. Who knows if you’re going to even be together next week, let alone in six months. And even if you do think you and Darren are going to still be together then, it’s still not your place to ask Darren not to go to college. If he wants to go, you should let him go and be happy for him, even if he wants to go to college in Antarctica. It’s the path he wants to take and even if it’s not one you would take, you can’t tell him not to take it. It’s his life, not yours.” She says gently. “And if he wants to break up, then you have to let him go. If he wants to stay together, then you can do that, too, and if you two really care about each other, maybe you’ll be able to make it work.”

“I guess so…” Chris says, defeated. Everything she said was completely reasonable. He _can’t_ ask Darren not to go to college because of him. He’s one of Darren’s many high school relationships. He can’t ask – or tell, which he realizes is what he was trying to do earlier – Darren not to do something he wants to do. Darren had been really excited about college, excited to have the experience and to meet new people and all of that jazz. Just because it wasn’t what Chris wanted, that didn’t mean Darren couldn’t want it. 

Still, he can’t bring himself to text Darren and tell him that he was in the wrong, that he was being harsh. Darren had been in the wrong, too, trying to tell him that he should go to college. Granted, Darren hadn’t said those hateful things that Chris had… But Chris had still been hurt. 

They avoid each other as best as possible the next day at school, not looking at each other in English, or any of the other classes they share, sitting apart at lunch, changing on opposite sides of the locker room during Gym. Amber and Lea convince Chris to go for frozen yogurt after school and they wheedle the whole story out of him there. They both sympathize, but agree with his mom. He can’t tell Darren not to go to college any more than Darren can tell him not to _not_ go to college. 

He hears it through the grapevine – or rather, through Lea directly text messaging him about it – that Darren has also had a talk with Chord and a few of his other friends, and apparently Darren is going to talk to him tomorrow before school. Lea knows because she’s the one who told him it would be a good idea. Chris can’t help but smile at the way she can’t help but meddle in her friends’ relationship, but he still goes to bed with a knot in his stomach. What if Darren comes to him tomorrow and tells him that he thinks they should break up? He barely gets a wink of sleep. 

***

Just as Lea told him, Darren approaches him before school the next day when he’s standing at his locker.

“If you’re going to break up with me, just do it.” Chris blurts out before Darren has the opportunity to say a word. 

“I… I wasn’t, but… Do you… Is that something you want? Do you want to break up?” Darren asks, and he’s got that kicked puppy look again.

“No!” Chris exclaims immediately. “No, no, I don’t… I don’t ever wanna break up. And… And that’s why I was so nasty the other day. Because when you said that we’d have to break up, I just… I guess I just went into self-preservation mode. Hurt you before you hurt me.” He explains earnestly. 

“You don’t get it, though. I didn’t say we would absolutely have to break up. I said I didn’t want for us to have to break up because of the distance, or anything like that. I don’t ever want you to be unhappy with me. And if we were long distance, I don’t know if I could still make you happy.” Darren replies, his words just as sincere. 

“Can we just forget about the fight?” Chris asks with a little smile. 

“No.” Darren says softly. “No, we need to talk about this. I don’t want to break up, and you don’t want to break up, but we still need to talk about this. We should talk, at lunch.” Chris nods. Sometimes – okay, often – he just wants to sweep problems under the rug, but apparently Darren isn’t going to let him do that this time. 

“Okay.” He murmurs. 

***

Darren finds him at lunch, and they head off to the bleachers together, a quiet spot where kids often go to talk or be alone. There’s only one other girl on them today, and she’s sitting on her own almost halfway across the field, listening to her music, so they sit down on the first step. Darren wraps his arm around Chris’ waist, holding him close since it’s still the height of winter, and it’s pretty windy. 

“I still wanna to go to college. But… I know you _don’t_ want to go. And that’s totally fine.” Darren says. 

“And it’s totally fine by me that you _do_ want to go. College is something that you want to do, and I know it’s not gonna be as totally useless as I made it sound when we were arguing.” Chris says in return, letting out a deep breath. Saying it feels like a weight off his chest. 

“If we’re still together… And… I know we might not be, but… I really, really like you, so maybe we will be, and then I want us to try. I want us to try and stay together. And if it’s too hard, then we’ll break up.” Darren looks into Chris’ eyes when he says it. 

“I really, really like you, too.” He smiles. The word is right on the tip of his tongue. Love. I love you. But he still feels like it’s too soon. He and Darren haven’t even been dating for four months yet. He does not want to be one of those naïve high school kids who think they love someone and then laughs about how stupid they were six months later. He doesn’t think there’s a certain age you have to be to know what love is, but he certainly doesn’t feel it’s a word he should be throwing around this early in their relationship. 

“Then it’s settled.” Darren smiles back. “Now can we do that whole insanely hot make-up make out session thing?” 

“Isn’t it supposed to be make-up sex?” Chris asks with a laugh. 

“Wow, Chris, I never took you for an exhibitionist, but I mean, sure, if you want to,” Darren straddles his lap, grinning down at him, and Chris just swats his arm playfully. 

“You know what I mean, idiot.” 

***

**_Six Months Later…_ **

“Is that everything?” Darren calls as Chris backs out of his house with one final box in his arms. 

“Yeah, I think so!” Chris calls back, setting the box in the packed trunk with a sigh of relief, his arms aching. He and Darren don’t have much between them in the way of furniture, but boy, do they have a lot of crap. Darren insisted on bringing his guitar, his violin, AND his keyboard, (which is currently wrapped in bubble wrap and laid across the back seat, where Darren lovingly strapped it down) and Chris had tons and tons of books that he just couldn’t bear to part with. ‘What if I want to re-read them?’ had been his argument when Darren asked if he really needed two boxes full of books. 

Chris can hardly believe that they’re actually doing this. Moving to LA together. Getting in a car one day, driving off, and not coming back. Well. They will come back, for holidays, and to visit, but aside from that, they won’t be. He can still remember the day Darren told him that this was what he wanted to do. 

_It’d been the day Darren had sent off his college apps. The whole week before, he’d been nervous, second-guessing all of his choices, weirdly in his head for Darren. He’d seemed like he was trying to make a hard decision, and when Chris had realized he’d just laughed and told him he didn’t have to choose between Tisch and Michigan until he actually got accepted to both, but Darren had just brushed him off._

_Darren had come up to him before school the morning he’d been due to post it, and had said, out of the blue, in true Darren fashion,_

_“I wanna move to LA with you.”_

_“But… What about your college applications? I thought you were gonna send them in today!” Chris had exclaimed._

_“I know. And I did. But… I wanna move to LA with you. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. About how all the great actors and actresses never went to college. How they just dove straight in the deep end. I… I think I always wanted to go to college because I was scared of failure. It was a four year procrastination plan.” Darren had replied. “I don’t need an expensive piece of paper to tell me I can act. I need my face on a television screen, or on the door of a trailer on a movie set.”_

_“Darren… You… I can’t let you do this because of me…” Chris had argued._

_“Chris. C’mon. I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket here. I’m still applying to colleges. If I change my mind, I have a back-up. And even if I don’t, I could always defer my application, go to college the next year instead, if I don’t get any parts.” Darren assures him. “I don’t wanna sacrifice us. I want to try it. You and me, in LA together.”_

It had been one of the best days of Chris’ senior year, of his life. Not even trumped by the day he and Darren got together, or by prom, or by graduation, which had been an insane day. Chris had hardly been able to believe that high school was finally over, that he was finally free, even if the day had been a tad bittersweet thanks to the amazing senior year he’d ended up having. 

“I love you.” He says when Darren comes around the back of the car – it was their car, a birthday present from Chris’ parents, and an aid to surviving the congested LA streets. 

“I love you, too. We’re in this together.” Darren replies, seemingly reading Chris’ mind in a way he’s learned to over the past months, leaning in for a kiss. When he pulls back, there’s a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“I swear, if you start singing High School Musical right now I will break up with you on the spot.” Chris warns, and Darren laughs. 

“Damn, is this what it’s gonna be like? You’re gonna be a meanie now that we’re going to be living together? Michigan is suddenly looking a lot more appealing…” He teases. Chris’ heart clenches for a moment – Darren had gotten accepted to both Michigan and Tisch, after all – but he knows it’s just a joke. Darren never quite knows where the line is with jokes about sensitive topics like that.

“Ah-ah-ah. Your name is on the lease of our apartment, you’re not backing out now, asshole.” Chris jokes back.

“Fuck. Guess I’m stuck with you, huh?” He grins. 

“I guess so.” And Chris knows that, for better or worse, even if living together drives them absolutely crazy, even if they end up breaking up and it turns into a huge messy debacle… He knows that they’ll still both be glad that they did this together. Darren is his first real love, and hopefully, he’ll be his last. But for now, the fact that they have each other at this moment where they’re on the threshold of a new, scary world? That’s all Chris cares about.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first ever long!fic so... I hope you enjoyed!


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